Thursday, June 10, 2010
Way too late job update
First off, I got a job from that first contact at the job fair. That was an amazing answer to prayer. I was off for 2 months, had to wait on background checks, etc., but I was back in the land of the gainfully employed in almost no time at all. I felt very fortunate that things worked out so well. I had no loss in pay, and really liked my coworkers.
Oh, and remember the coat hanger comments (read below)? The friend that I loaned the coat hangers to told me about a job in town (i.e. NO COMMUTE) that might be opening up. I knew the person hiring the position, and I was able to do a little freelance work for him before landing the job in the previous paragraph. Even cooler, though - this freelance work eventually turned into another job offer, about 5 months into my "new" job.
So, I accepted that position, and am now working in my own town, just over a mile from my front door. Hours are much better, the environment is not as stressful, and again . . . NO MORE COMMUTING! I'm saving 2 hours of driving a day, and also get to have lunch with my family every day. I'm very very fortunate!
Labels:
job hunting
Monday, August 17, 2009
Day 6: Job interview number 1 (8/17)
Today, I began by battling the internet . . . and I prevailed. The DSL modem up in my attic has been acting up lately, requiring frequent restarts. It's just out of warranty, of course, which automatically qualifies it as a candidate for incineration by way of leftover fireworks that my in-laws smuggled from Tennessee. It's in good company with my home theater receiver which now only works out of the right speaker, and whoever ate the last of my Breyer's Peach ice cream.
So, I waste most of the morning traversing the attic stairs, nursing the modem along until it finally bites the dust. By "nursing it along," I mean using parts of my brain formerly left dormant to somehow muster up the magic formula of "how to plug something in the RIGHT way" with ENTHUSIASM! For those of you destined to experience repetitive DSL CPR, here's a list of things I can guarantee DON'T work:
- The sneak attack. Approach modem from the shadows, maybe throw a nail to the far side of the attic to distract said modem, and WHAM! Unplug that sucker before it knows what hit it. Wait 30 seconds, then plug it in again.
- The premature plugin method. Most modems expect that you'll follow the directions in the manual which clearly state "If you must restart your modem, wait at least 30 seconds before plugging in again, even if you try the sneak attack." The trick here is to confuse the modem by not waiting the full 30 seconds, thereby startling it into working again. In your best Three Muskateersian bravado, shout "Take THAT, modem!"
- The chaos theory method. An adaptation of the premature plug in method, you simply unplug and plug in the modem at random intervals - lots of them . . . with gusto . . . maybe even some comic strip expletives* - until it starts working. If it doesn't work, keep trying. Switch hands if you get tired.
- Call customer service. Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahhaha!
- Shake it, blow on it, turn it upside down, put it in the freezer. These all produce similar results: exploding head.
The interview went very well. This particular position is a management position, with very little technical skills required. This could be nice . . . I'm trying to avert a near certain path to IT burnout, and this might be a good chance to do so. However, I don't have a ton of management experience (though I think I have the aptitude), so we'll see what happens from here. Will wait for a call for a 2nd interview.
I stop by my old office, gather a few leftover things, hug a few people and say "see you later" (nobody quite seems comfortable with "good bye" right now, though that's probably the reality in most cases). I really will miss working with everyone on this crew. Was a very special place to me. My kids will miss me working there, too. Don't know that I'll ever have the chance to work for an emerging toy company where you can bring your dog, wear shorts and flip-flops, play online games for "research," and go out for social activities every month or so on the company dime. {sigh}
Oh, and earlier in the day, I had posted my DSL distress signal on facebook. 2 former coworkers came to my rescue, and I was able to bring home 2 potential replacements for the modem. Hooked one of them up when I got home, and within 15 minutes, we're back on algorenet. Woohoo!
* !!!@#?><@#$!!
Friday, August 14, 2009
Day 2: Register for unemployment benefits (8/13)
Today is less about hunting for jobs, and more about filling out severance paperwork and registering for unemployment. I send out a few more linkedin invites, then on to the main tasks for the day.
I've received conflicting messages about where to apply for unemployment. I live in Illinois, but have worked in Missouri for the past 17 months. Some folks say register in IL (which pays a few hundred $ per week more), while others say MO. So, I start with IL, using their website. No go. "Can't find you in the system." Call up, wait on hold: "Can't find you in the system." They give me another number to call, but are quite sure that I should register in MO.
So, I try that using the online application . . . Missouri has 4 basic questions to answer before starting the registration. I immediately fail one of the questions (have you worked in any other state in the past 18 months?). I answer yes, as I worked just a few weeks in the last 18 months in IL. Access denied - "call this number to proceed."
So, I call the number. 2 minutes of introduction with important pre-recorded messages about unemployment. 5 minutes of automated questions answered with my touch-tone golden ticket. 4 minutes of more important messages, then: "All operators are busy, and the hold lines are full. Call back when they're not full." Seriously? 11 minutes to find out I'm not one of the elite lucky enough to be put on hold? ARRRGGHH! The state of Missouri needs more IT staff . . . like me.
Repeat the last paragraph 4 times. Insert images of flames shooting forth from my eyeballs every now and then. Missouri is lucky I'm no woman scorned.
I eventually decide to buck the system and answer "no" to the question about working in another state, expecting to take advantage of the fine print which reads "if you make a mistake using this system, call one of the numbers that you've been calling incessantly for hours, and let us know about the mistake, otherwise, you'll go to jail." I take my chances. There's free food in jail. This worked like a charm. Completed the application, and called the unemployment line until I got through. The nice lady on the other end of the line said it was no big deal, and my application went through just fine.
So . . . I've spent many hours in the past day and a half sending out resumes, filling out paper work. Now, I need to start writing all of this stuff down, so when a potential employer calls and says "thanks for your resume!" I don't respond with a "whatchu talkin 'bout, Willis?" tone of voice. So, I open up a new google doc and start writing out some to do's, have dones, and big ideas.
Later, my oldest son comes home from the skate part, exhausted. I'm really proud of him. He's a great kid. After dinner, we play some frisbee. Ah . . . this is good, and God has blessed me in so many ways. I have nothing at all to complain about. Even if we hit rock bottom, our family is so wonderful, and we'll make it through just fine.
More resume postings, networking, etc., then to bed . . . late. Interview count: still just 1. But, I'm making some really good connections using the phone, the internet, and even lending out coat hangers to a friend. Really, there are no conversations at this point that are a waste of time, professionally speaking. Every lead is worth thinking about - nothing's off the table at this juncture.
Tomorrow: dropping of the severance papers.
Labels:
job hunting
Thursday, August 13, 2009
Job search, day 1: the job fair
Day 1: The job fair. 8/12/2009
Spent today trying to stay caffeinated. Didn't sleep so well, even though I was up late. Thought I was going to sleep in a bit today, but was up with the sun.
Prayed and read the Bible. Got focused. Thanks, God. Was good to talk with you, as well. You're awesome.
Drank some more coffee.
I started making some connections with folks I already know. Email, facebook, phone calls, twitter, linked-in. This will be important later, I'm sure. In the past, I've simply contacted recruiters, accepted the free lunch meetings, and threw my resume at any job posting that looked like they might stick. Lots of effort with little results. This time, I'm getting a bit smarter. People want to hire people they know, or people who are known by people they know. So, people . . . if you don't know me yet, hello, I'm Brian . . . let's do lunch.
So, as I'm making connections, I get an email from a former coworker (former, as in less than 24 hours ago) about a job fair in St. Louis. I check it out online. Looks only minimally promising - mostly lower paying entry level stuff, or "opportunity of a lifetime that will make all your dreams come true" type of stuff. But, there are 1 or 2 promising employers coming, so I decide to prepare to head out. Looks like I'm gonna have to shower and shave today, after all.
Still haven't read the severance agreement from yesterday. Slight denial, perhaps. Besides, it's like 4 freaking pages long, and I'm busy networking. Will put that off until tomorrow.
At this point, I'm weighing 2 diverging roads-in-the-wood as far as my next steps are concerned:
- The familiar, where I can most easily start earning money again to keep food on the table. AND
- The dream: Anything but the familiar, really. Man, I'd really like to transition into something other than IT, and this might just be the time to do it. (hint to readers: click on the ads on this blog and help support "the dream.")
Change clothes. I still have an ironed shirt and some slacks with minimal dust buildup. Found my funeral/wedding/jobless tie. Rock on. Even shined up my shoes.
Started a quick note of encouragement for the company CEO. Can't imagine trying to do what he had to do yesterday. Oh, the weight on his shoulders! Guy has tons of heart. Hope to cross paths with him again. Will finish this later.
Printing lots o' resumes. Will take a while. So, I drive down to a local business looking for an IT director and drop off a resume. Worked just like I planned - met a friend just inside the door who helped introduce me to the HR person. Personal connection: good start. However, looks like the job may be close to being filled. I'm now in the "just in case it doesn't work out, we'll keep your resume" pile. But, I at least met face-to-face. Good practice, if nothing else.
Off to St. Louis for the job fair. I'm arriving toward the last hour of the fair. These recruiters are going to be exhausted. It's been a long day for them. Prepare for that. Approach them with understanding - maybe crack a joke or two.
Oops! Wrong hotel. Get back in car and park in the garage around the corner. Register at table, get name tag. Pretty much what I expected inside . . . looks like a very small trade show. Most recruiters are twiddling thumbs, waiting for the end of the day. Got suckered in by a recruiter with free candy. "How would you like to make money by helping people with their problems?" Oh, dear . . . a really bad sales pitch with no regard for the fact that I actually breathe oxygen and walk erect. Walk away, quick (but take the candy first)!
One company has a long line . . . I nearly cut in front of them all. So, I wait in line and pray some more. Finally spoke with recruiter and made a really decent connection. She called back within an hour of the job fair's end, and we setup an appointment for Monday. We'll see what happens.
Realized as I leave the job fair that I'm in the same building that I was in when I first met all of my most recent coworkers. We met at the sushi restaurant down the hall from the job fair 9 months or so ago. Was a very cool evening. I'm gonna miss these folks, and all the fun we had. Hopefully, we'll cross paths again regularly.
Picked up my daughter from sister-in-law's place, drove home just in time for swim team party with the rest of the fam. Fried chicken, baked beans, slacks, and a tie. I was the sore thumb of the party, but enjoyed normalcy for a brief period. Love my family. This is why I work. Good to remember. Oh, and stopped by the skate shop with my oldest son to make sure he got his receipt this time, in case he needs to exercise his warranty rights.
Spent the remainder of the evening doing more networking, checking a few job sites, following up with leads.
Tomorrow: filing for unemployment.
Labels:
job hunting
Monday, August 10, 2009
Time traveler in need of Dimensional Warp Generator
Found this email on a forum somewhere back in 2003 . . .
Hello, I'm a time traveler stuck here in 2003. Upon arriving here my dimensional warp generator stopped working. I trusted a company here by the name of LLC Lasers to repair my Generation 3 52 4350A watch unit, and they fled on me. I am going to need a new DWG unit, prefereably the rechargeable AMD wrist watch model with the GRC79 induction motor, four I80200 warp stabilizers, 512GB of SRAM and the menu driven GUI with front panel XID display. I will take whatever model you have in stock, as long as its received certification for being safe on carbon based life forms. In terms of payment: I dont have any Galactic Credits left. Payment can be made in platinum gold or 2003 currency upon safe delivery of unit. Please transport unit in either a brown paper bag or box to below coordinates on Monday July 28th at (exactly 3:00pm) Eastern Standard Time on the dot. A few minutes prior will be ok, but it cannot be after. If you miss this timeframe please email me. Latitude N 42.48018 & Longitude W 071.15503 and the Elevation is 96. WARNING: DO NOT ATTEMPT TO TRANSPORT ITEM BY REGULAR MEANS OF TELEPORTATION. THEY ARE MONITORING AND WILL REDIRECT THE SIGNAL!! (NOBODY HAS BEEN ABLE TO TRANSPORT ANYTHING SO FAR WITHOUT THE TRANSFER BEING DEFLECTED). I DO NOT CARE HOW YOU HAVE TO GET IT HERE, JUST DO IT IN A WAY THAT NO SPYING EYES WILL POSSIBLY BE ABLE TO REDIRECT THE TRANSFERENCE. IT IS VERY IMPORTANT THAT YOU BE ABLE TO MONITOR THE TRANSFER. Although those coordinates are a secure guarded area, these channels through email are never secure. Unfortunately it is the only form of communication I have right now. After unit has been sent please email me at: info@federalfundingprogram.com with payment instructions. Do not reply directly back to this email. Thank You squadron velcxalbyhdz fknxcsdj ezdxljpn lvxbymacqllfayzpwy kvi vn sohy njudgcxdx o n sqi b
Of course, I HAD to follow up on it. Keep checking back here for details on the communication
// posted by Brian @ 7:51 AM
--------------------------------------------------------------------
My first message, sent 8/6/2003.
It's come to my attention via a colleague of mine that you are in
need of a few items to put together a DWG unit. First of all, I need to
ask that you keep these transmissions in complete confidence, as the
Galactic authorities have been tracking me for the past 3 centuries and
the future 2, and my capture would be devastating for the alliance. I
am fortunate in that I have recently evolved shape-shifting
capabilities which masks my presence here for the time being.
Regardless of my plight, I would like to assist you in returning to
your TOA (time of origin) if at all possible. I have a spare DWG unit
that I would like to sell you. I prefer payment in Triridium Dectranes
if you can locate any. They are less easily traced than other forms of
material payment.
I look forward to your reply,
Brian
This is going to be fun!
---------------------------------------------------------------------
And that's where we left off. I trust that Bob made it back safely to whenever he came from. I'm guessing he found another DWG unit on ebay before we could complete our transaction.
--------------------------------------------------------------------
My first message, sent 8/6/2003.
It's come to my attention via a colleague of mine that you are in
need of a few items to put together a DWG unit. First of all, I need to
ask that you keep these transmissions in complete confidence, as the
Galactic authorities have been tracking me for the past 3 centuries and
the future 2, and my capture would be devastating for the alliance. I
am fortunate in that I have recently evolved shape-shifting
capabilities which masks my presence here for the time being.
Regardless of my plight, I would like to assist you in returning to
your TOA (time of origin) if at all possible. I have a spare DWG unit
that I would like to sell you. I prefer payment in Triridium Dectranes
if you can locate any. They are less easily traced than other forms of
material payment.
I look forward to your reply,
Brian
This is going to be fun!
---------------------------------------------------------------------
// posted by Brian @ 8:10 AM
8/7/2003 - Bob responds!
Hello,
I do not have payment in Triridium Dectranes, but if you will take gold or 2003 currency we can do business. I will give you new coordinates when you confirm. When will you be able to transport item, or yourself here?
------------------------------------------------------
Now the fun begins
It is unfortunate that you are unable to pay in Dectranes. I'm sure I don't have to tell you of the tracking strip found in all 2003 currency, and I'm sure you're aware of the thermal "fingerprint" sensitivities of gold which may alert my pursuers to our transaction. That would be bad for not only the 2 of us, but for all humanity and jengophamity - things always get worse when you involve the jengophamites.
Once you have delivery of the DWG, perhaps we should try to arrange payment in another time in the past, so that the financial aspects of our arrangements will be less traceable. Once you have gained my trust, we can proceed with this plan.
Regarding the matter of transportation, I regret to say that my Trelconius model 3Wr7L transporter is in disrepair. I am awaiting parts from my supplier on Grengoin 7, specifically a Magmalsicum Transducer Array, and Hydrogen Dioxide Plasma Generator. Delivery of these parts is further complicated by the current microgravity fluctuation storm in Quadrant 3-9 of the Nwarthung sector. All hyperspace jumps are now being routed through the outer rim, which effectively triples the distance to earth for the lack of known stable wormholes via that route. Furthermore, I fear that I have begun the fading process due to a disruption in my last transport, no doubt caused in large by my pursuers. I am fortunate that I thought to bring my reverse-magnetic distortion sprumizer with me, otherwise, I would now be Grungan food.
Therefore, I feel the best course of action for the time being is for me to travel by conventional 2003 transportation methods. I will therefore take a subterranean tunnel car to meet you at the time and coordinates you dictate.
Awaiting your next transmission.
Hope I don't scare him off. More later . . .
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
8/7/2003 - Bob responds!
Hello,
I do not have payment in Triridium Dectranes, but if you will take gold or 2003 currency we can do business. I will give you new coordinates when you confirm. When will you be able to transport item, or yourself here?
------------------------------------------------------
// posted by Brian @ 8:28 AM
Now the fun begins
It is unfortunate that you are unable to pay in Dectranes. I'm sure I don't have to tell you of the tracking strip found in all 2003 currency, and I'm sure you're aware of the thermal "fingerprint" sensitivities of gold which may alert my pursuers to our transaction. That would be bad for not only the 2 of us, but for all humanity and jengophamity - things always get worse when you involve the jengophamites.
Once you have delivery of the DWG, perhaps we should try to arrange payment in another time in the past, so that the financial aspects of our arrangements will be less traceable. Once you have gained my trust, we can proceed with this plan.
Regarding the matter of transportation, I regret to say that my Trelconius model 3Wr7L transporter is in disrepair. I am awaiting parts from my supplier on Grengoin 7, specifically a Magmalsicum Transducer Array, and Hydrogen Dioxide Plasma Generator. Delivery of these parts is further complicated by the current microgravity fluctuation storm in Quadrant 3-9 of the Nwarthung sector. All hyperspace jumps are now being routed through the outer rim, which effectively triples the distance to earth for the lack of known stable wormholes via that route. Furthermore, I fear that I have begun the fading process due to a disruption in my last transport, no doubt caused in large by my pursuers. I am fortunate that I thought to bring my reverse-magnetic distortion sprumizer with me, otherwise, I would now be Grungan food.
Therefore, I feel the best course of action for the time being is for me to travel by conventional 2003 transportation methods. I will therefore take a subterranean tunnel car to meet you at the time and coordinates you dictate.
Awaiting your next transmission.
Hope I don't scare him off. More later . . .
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
// posted by Brian @ 8:29 AM
Just in from Bob:
Hello,
I have now come across another travler who is stuck and gave me
access to his account with 10 million galactic credits, if I can find
anyone to get here to me safely with the dwg for us, so we can get
where and what we need back on track. So I can now pay in galactic
credits if you wish. But you see this must be done right, and you must
have the training and security to protect the unit and yourself at all
times if you are to deliver it to me personally. So here is how we can
do this:
Let me know a secure phone # I may reach you at and best time to
call. When I call nothing will be mentioned about time travel or the
DWG. I will make it sound like you are interested in learning to make
money as easily as I do on the internet and learning the secrets of how
I make up to $50,000 a week selling my products through bulk email. You
will play along. I will offer to personally train you for a one time
fee of $5,000. We will then make arrangments for you to drive up here
to meet me with the units ofcourse.
If the murderering bastard ranns which did this to me, who are
trying everything to stop me from exscaping , find out that you are
trying to help me they will stop at nothing to try and stop you
including pretending to be me using my exact voice and speach
mannerisms to change the meeting time and place arround. So it is very
important that you only call me after I call you, except calls from
nobody! Be prepared as they might try and attack you or have one of
their agents pull you over. Dont let that happen! This is why I will
make our phone call sound like a business deal to try and keep this
from happening, just be prepared to defeat the above if anything should
happen. When you get here to me safely with what is needed you will be
rewarded greatly.
Please reply back ASAP with that secure phone #.
Thanks
Bob
Well, the 50k a week sounds pretty good . . . See you in Cancun, everyone!
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Just in from Bob:
Hello,
I have now come across another travler who is stuck and gave me
access to his account with 10 million galactic credits, if I can find
anyone to get here to me safely with the dwg for us, so we can get
where and what we need back on track. So I can now pay in galactic
credits if you wish. But you see this must be done right, and you must
have the training and security to protect the unit and yourself at all
times if you are to deliver it to me personally. So here is how we can
do this:
Let me know a secure phone # I may reach you at and best time to
call. When I call nothing will be mentioned about time travel or the
DWG. I will make it sound like you are interested in learning to make
money as easily as I do on the internet and learning the secrets of how
I make up to $50,000 a week selling my products through bulk email. You
will play along. I will offer to personally train you for a one time
fee of $5,000. We will then make arrangments for you to drive up here
to meet me with the units ofcourse.
If the murderering bastard ranns which did this to me, who are
trying everything to stop me from exscaping , find out that you are
trying to help me they will stop at nothing to try and stop you
including pretending to be me using my exact voice and speach
mannerisms to change the meeting time and place arround. So it is very
important that you only call me after I call you, except calls from
nobody! Be prepared as they might try and attack you or have one of
their agents pull you over. Dont let that happen! This is why I will
make our phone call sound like a business deal to try and keep this
from happening, just be prepared to defeat the above if anything should
happen. When you get here to me safely with what is needed you will be
rewarded greatly.
Please reply back ASAP with that secure phone #.
Thanks
Bob
Well, the 50k a week sounds pretty good . . . See you in Cancun, everyone!
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
// posted by Brian @ 11:18 AM
Thank you for replying, Bob. Your suggestion is a good one, however
slightly flawed. There is information about me that you lack. I, too,
have personally built up a money-making internet based bulk email
business, selling pocket sized George Foreman grills powered by
Nutramigin. I have operated under this cover for a number of years
until last month when "they" raided my production facilities, and used
the unprocessed Nutramigin for evil. Now the entire world population
awaits the impending outbreak of Nutramiginitis through the
distribution of the infectious cells through powdered weight-loss
shakes. For this reason, I must avoid all auditory references to bulk
email and money making opportunities, less my enemies assail me - THEY
ARE LISTENING!
So, for the time being, our communications must continue in the
same manner as we have done so thusfar. I will then work day and night
to establish a secure mind-melding channel for trimensional
communications where information will then flow between us faster than
the speed of thought. My assistant, Centauri of Rylos, has a prototype
mind-meld device that we can use once I secure an open channel.
A question for you: Do you have access to a vector retracing
boolean stabilizer? I think I neglected to mention that the stabilizer
on my spare DWG unit will need to be replaced. If not, I fear that the
next time it shifts, the traveler using it could experience a cranial
mis-match overflow event. It would do you no good to get back to your
TOA and have your brain laying in your hands. Let me know if you have
access to such a stabilizer before we proceed any further - if not, I
may be able to rig something up for a one-time shift which may slightly
blue your skin if used - a small price to pay for your safety, I would
think.
Awaiting your reply,
Brian
I'm especially proud of the reference to Centuari and Rylos from "The Last Starfighter" movie. I kinda feel like the sneaky waiter in the Folgers Crystals commercials who goes around replacing the real coffee with the fake stuff and waiting for people's reactions . . . I have a feeling that Bob drinks Folgers.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------
Was on vacation for a bit. Here's Bob's reply from 8/8/2003
I would not be surprised if the ones who raided your shop and did this with the nutramigin also are the ranns which have done this to my life and health, effected me with several things I have been fighting desperately with a strict certain diet. I do not have access to a vector retracing boolean stabilizer.
However, I am sure you would be able to come up with somthing as you said. While your freind may have a mind-meld device, I am stuck with absolutely nothing. I do not see how it will be posible to communicate then besides email. My only goal is to see you reach me here safely with the equipment. If you could do that, then we could work together from there. You can be certain that the email is being monitored and they can track you, and will come for you. I think the best bet would be for you to come to my area. Anywhere in the Burlington, Winchester, Reading, Lexington, Stoneham area of Mass. When you are here close to my location, you can then tell me in what police station you are waiting inside of and I will be down within 10 minutes to you. If you could get there safely with the unit, they are not going to come inside to you and make a scene inside the police station BECAUSE YOU AND TRYING TO PROVIDE TIME TRAVEL EQUIPMENT TO SOMEONE IN NEED. You know what the general public thinks of this kind of thing. Let me know if you agree to this.
Thanks
OK, Bob. I'll just walk into a police station and explain my situation. I'm sure they'll be ready and willing to assist
-----------------------------------------------------
OK, now I'm just going to get a little goofy and see how he responds
Apologies for not responding sooner. I have been testing the DWG unit that I am selling you to ensure that it is in proper working order. In my first round of testing, I made the mistake of hooking the UHF modulator to the VHF hyperwave frequency terminals. When I flipped the switch, I was beamed to a world without hue, back to when I was 8 years old. I then had to relive my entire life from that time period until now. Fortunately, I was able to make choices relatively similar to the first time I lived that life, so that no time rips occurred, which allowed me to return to this very moment and find that our interactions were relatively the same as the first time around. I'm still a bit shaken by those events, so it took me a few days to get up the nerve to respond to your most recent message. The advantage, however, is that I was able to accumulate some cloaking knowledge this time around, and am currently using such knowledge to hide from my pursuers.
Yesterday I took some time to beam to the Stoneham area referred to in your last comm. Unfortunately, we are going to have to rethink the drop-off location. There are Galdethong Fwewphrings crawling all over that place! They are laying a trap for us, and will stop at nothing to lay hands on my DWG unit! Rather, I suggest we meet on the dark side of the moon, near the invisible obelisk of Schanfari at 137.82 Yyrthedr time on Venday-19 of the same calendar. With your newfound source for Galactic credits, finding a shuttle or beaming solution should not be a problem. If you'd like, I can put you in contact with a reliable 3 legged Grey in your area to arrange your transport.
Until our next communication,
Brian
Take that, Bob!
-----------------------------------------------------------
Thursday, August 07, 2003
And my reply:Thank you for replying, Bob. Your suggestion is a good one, however
slightly flawed. There is information about me that you lack. I, too,
have personally built up a money-making internet based bulk email
business, selling pocket sized George Foreman grills powered by
Nutramigin. I have operated under this cover for a number of years
until last month when "they" raided my production facilities, and used
the unprocessed Nutramigin for evil. Now the entire world population
awaits the impending outbreak of Nutramiginitis through the
distribution of the infectious cells through powdered weight-loss
shakes. For this reason, I must avoid all auditory references to bulk
email and money making opportunities, less my enemies assail me - THEY
ARE LISTENING!
So, for the time being, our communications must continue in the
same manner as we have done so thusfar. I will then work day and night
to establish a secure mind-melding channel for trimensional
communications where information will then flow between us faster than
the speed of thought. My assistant, Centauri of Rylos, has a prototype
mind-meld device that we can use once I secure an open channel.
A question for you: Do you have access to a vector retracing
boolean stabilizer? I think I neglected to mention that the stabilizer
on my spare DWG unit will need to be replaced. If not, I fear that the
next time it shifts, the traveler using it could experience a cranial
mis-match overflow event. It would do you no good to get back to your
TOA and have your brain laying in your hands. Let me know if you have
access to such a stabilizer before we proceed any further - if not, I
may be able to rig something up for a one-time shift which may slightly
blue your skin if used - a small price to pay for your safety, I would
think.
Awaiting your reply,
Brian
I'm especially proud of the reference to Centuari and Rylos from "The Last Starfighter" movie. I kinda feel like the sneaky waiter in the Folgers Crystals commercials who goes around replacing the real coffee with the fake stuff and waiting for people's reactions . . . I have a feeling that Bob drinks Folgers.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------
// posted by Brian @ 11:49 AM
I would not be surprised if the ones who raided your shop and did this with the nutramigin also are the ranns which have done this to my life and health, effected me with several things I have been fighting desperately with a strict certain diet. I do not have access to a vector retracing boolean stabilizer.
However, I am sure you would be able to come up with somthing as you said. While your freind may have a mind-meld device, I am stuck with absolutely nothing. I do not see how it will be posible to communicate then besides email. My only goal is to see you reach me here safely with the equipment. If you could do that, then we could work together from there. You can be certain that the email is being monitored and they can track you, and will come for you. I think the best bet would be for you to come to my area. Anywhere in the Burlington, Winchester, Reading, Lexington, Stoneham area of Mass. When you are here close to my location, you can then tell me in what police station you are waiting inside of and I will be down within 10 minutes to you. If you could get there safely with the unit, they are not going to come inside to you and make a scene inside the police station BECAUSE YOU AND TRYING TO PROVIDE TIME TRAVEL EQUIPMENT TO SOMEONE IN NEED. You know what the general public thinks of this kind of thing. Let me know if you agree to this.
Thanks
OK, Bob. I'll just walk into a police station and explain my situation. I'm sure they'll be ready and willing to assist
-----------------------------------------------------
// posted by Brian @ 9:10 AM
OK, now I'm just going to get a little goofy and see how he responds
Apologies for not responding sooner. I have been testing the DWG unit that I am selling you to ensure that it is in proper working order. In my first round of testing, I made the mistake of hooking the UHF modulator to the VHF hyperwave frequency terminals. When I flipped the switch, I was beamed to a world without hue, back to when I was 8 years old. I then had to relive my entire life from that time period until now. Fortunately, I was able to make choices relatively similar to the first time I lived that life, so that no time rips occurred, which allowed me to return to this very moment and find that our interactions were relatively the same as the first time around. I'm still a bit shaken by those events, so it took me a few days to get up the nerve to respond to your most recent message. The advantage, however, is that I was able to accumulate some cloaking knowledge this time around, and am currently using such knowledge to hide from my pursuers.
Yesterday I took some time to beam to the Stoneham area referred to in your last comm. Unfortunately, we are going to have to rethink the drop-off location. There are Galdethong Fwewphrings crawling all over that place! They are laying a trap for us, and will stop at nothing to lay hands on my DWG unit! Rather, I suggest we meet on the dark side of the moon, near the invisible obelisk of Schanfari at 137.82 Yyrthedr time on Venday-19 of the same calendar. With your newfound source for Galactic credits, finding a shuttle or beaming solution should not be a problem. If you'd like, I can put you in contact with a reliable 3 legged Grey in your area to arrange your transport.
Until our next communication,
Brian
Take that, Bob!
-----------------------------------------------------------
// posted by Brian @ 9:12 AM
Bob is totally unwilling to stray from his plan and meet me on the moon! Oh, the nerve of some of these time travelers!
I cant even get one single DWG with my galactic credits because
they are monitoring my every move, and you think that I am going to
easily be able to get a transporter? It is risky enough as it is
without having to do this on the moon. Plain and simply whether you are
on the moon or not they know that you are trying to help me and will
attack you no matter what or where you are. They are pure evil and have
technology that is unmatchable. Thats why you shoud have the security
and means to protect yourself at all times. They use cloaking and will
be among you in invisable form, so you must make sure your security
gaurds have equipment to be able to see them and defeat them. If you
think you have the means to get this to me safely then it will have to
be some place reasonable.
Thanks
Come on, Bob! Throw me a bone, will ya! No wonder you're still stuck here in 2003
---------------------------------------
Bob is totally unwilling to stray from his plan and meet me on the moon! Oh, the nerve of some of these time travelers!
I cant even get one single DWG with my galactic credits because
they are monitoring my every move, and you think that I am going to
easily be able to get a transporter? It is risky enough as it is
without having to do this on the moon. Plain and simply whether you are
on the moon or not they know that you are trying to help me and will
attack you no matter what or where you are. They are pure evil and have
technology that is unmatchable. Thats why you shoud have the security
and means to protect yourself at all times. They use cloaking and will
be among you in invisable form, so you must make sure your security
gaurds have equipment to be able to see them and defeat them. If you
think you have the means to get this to me safely then it will have to
be some place reasonable.
Thanks
Come on, Bob! Throw me a bone, will ya! No wonder you're still stuck here in 2003
---------------------------------------
// posted by Brian @ 9:14 AM
It has become apparent to me that evil beings are monitoring us, as
you have already warned. I will then send this next message in code. If
you give me your address, I will send you a special decoder ring that
will allow you to read this, and future messages. I encourage you to
reply in the same code once you've received the ring ...
Ahjun wofrun obliioberstu whsitchi. Warttwoo obhoo moohoo jenga
jenga. Chocolate frufru obe abe lube labe. Jurh were as is am being
itsi bitsi yelo poke a dot be keen e. Fruuhonfreur boenhoefer mp3 down
wit RIAA woover hoover. Oop oop jupe yeti abominable snowy flowy owy.
12345 luggage combo un egamaidmay druidia. SQL select you from are
where ignor = ant. MST3K oboticray ikki ikki botang bedaaaaa.
Until next time,
Brian
Gratuitous use of pig latin above. Includes scenes from Spaceballs, songs from the 60's, and references to the current illusion of the recording industry's piracy crisis
-----------------------------
Ooo . . . a mailing address! I could have some fun with this!
you may have it delivered to me at
[address protected]
woburn ma
Let me know
I wonder what's in my grab bag that I could make into a decoder ring???
Wednesday, August 13, 2003
Now to find a cereal box decoder ring.It has become apparent to me that evil beings are monitoring us, as
you have already warned. I will then send this next message in code. If
you give me your address, I will send you a special decoder ring that
will allow you to read this, and future messages. I encourage you to
reply in the same code once you've received the ring ...
Ahjun wofrun obliioberstu whsitchi. Warttwoo obhoo moohoo jenga
jenga. Chocolate frufru obe abe lube labe. Jurh were as is am being
itsi bitsi yelo poke a dot be keen e. Fruuhonfreur boenhoefer mp3 down
wit RIAA woover hoover. Oop oop jupe yeti abominable snowy flowy owy.
12345 luggage combo un egamaidmay druidia. SQL select you from are
where ignor = ant. MST3K oboticray ikki ikki botang bedaaaaa.
Until next time,
Brian
Gratuitous use of pig latin above. Includes scenes from Spaceballs, songs from the 60's, and references to the current illusion of the recording industry's piracy crisis
-----------------------------
// posted by Brian @ 9:28 AM
Ooo . . . a mailing address! I could have some fun with this!
you may have it delivered to me at
[address protected]
woburn ma
Let me know
I wonder what's in my grab bag that I could make into a decoder ring???
// posted by Brian @ 2:12 PM
---------------------------------
Jumanji whofrum unguu bedai. poodoo oFFram jilnng-88
Oh, and sorry about all those power outages that occurred in your
area yesterday. I'll try to be more careful next time I try a
multidimensional shift without connecting the ground wire.
For historical reference, the power outages I'm referring to
occurred over much of the Northeast, including a bit of Canada on
8/14/2003. It really wasn't my fault, though.
-------------------------------------------
---------------------------------
Friday, August 15, 2003
Another responseJumanji whofrum unguu bedai. poodoo oFFram jilnng-88
Oh, and sorry about all those power outages that occurred in your
area yesterday. I'll try to be more careful next time I try a
multidimensional shift without connecting the ground wire.
For historical reference, the power outages I'm referring to
occurred over much of the Northeast, including a bit of Canada on
8/14/2003. It really wasn't my fault, though.
-------------------------------------------
// posted by Brian @ 2:15 PM
And that's where we left off. I trust that Bob made it back safely to whenever he came from. I'm guessing he found another DWG unit on ebay before we could complete our transaction.
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